Well Guys, i didnt want to have to do this... i lost my Dad... i need help

[MeanGreen94Z]

Well, on the 3rd of last month i was in from work (been working out of town since janurary) for the weekend and working on a friends car, i was on a parts run and i got a call from my mom, "Jon, get here quick, jefferson street.... hurry its your dad...." silence and a shiver shot up my spine. it took what felt like forever to get it out of her what had happened in the panic she had. but she said "get here NOW, its bad, he fell". i was with my girlfriend and i rushed to town to get to the site they were painting, so i could help in any way possible, well on the way there they called and redirected me to the hospital. which is only roughly 5-8 minutes from there. it took the ambulance almost 30 minutes to get there, or maybe less it just seemed like forever. when they got there they advised me i couldnt see him so i freaked, made a scene and was a wreck. they sat us in the family room which i immediately knew was NOT a good sign. after about an hour the doctor came in explaining his injuries to us, i stopped her and asked "is he going to be ok?" and of course i got the dreaded answer No. they let us in the room to see him, and God do i wish they hadnt, he fell 40 ft and was so broken, the man of my life, lifeless who had given me life, everything he could and never let wronged me, so broken and dide in such a tramatic undeserved way, i just dont understand. my life crumbled there that day and i havent been or felt the same since, i usually rebound from hurt quick, but me and my dad were close, he gave me everything i ever needed as a child, and helped me as much as i would let him as an adult. i pretty much feel lost at some point of the day, every day and dont go a day without him on his mind. or for that matter i dont think i go a half hour without something reminding me of him, something he did, something he would do/say, and then i revert to seeing him laying in the bed strapped down with a tube and so much swelling. i just dont know how to get it out of my mind, how to get past it. everyone says "think of the happy times" well i do, it doesnt help mask knowing what he felt the last minuted of his life.

back in 2005 he had a incident and fell 30 ft off a steeple, then 20 ft from the roof he landed on down to the ground. and he got up and walked into the church to lay and wait for a helicopter to come, this man was my superhero, my best friend, and the best father i could have ever asked for. the whole trip to the hospital i was praying he had toughed it out and would be ok and we could bring him back to 100% like the last time. the 2005 accident was indirectly his fault and he always tried to tell us to make sure you feel safe in setting something up because the way his ladder truck was setup it stressed the gears and broke the rotation gear and drug him by a rope off the steeple and out of the 2nd roof to the ground. this time he was just going out on a balcony with "safety rails" up to throw a bottle in the trash, when he put his hand on the rail and transferred his weight the railing gave way and made him lose his balance and fall. it wasnt his fault, anything he was doing it was all the construction sites fault. to top off the hurt, we cant even sue them to make sure my mom is taken care of because of some stupid workers comp law here. so im out my dad, my siblings are out a dad, and my mom is out the love of her life. he was a good man, a giver to anyone that needed, he would buy drinks for the clerks at service stations, loan them money if they needed it and would help anyone. he came from a rough life and hard times and made sure we all didnt have to go through that same struggle. i just cant understand why he had to die like he did. it hurts my heart to know he had to suffer and be in pain after all he did to keep us from feeling the pains he felt growing up.

guys is there anyone else on this site that knows somewhat what im going through, saw their parent suffer knows how to deal with this, any advise besides remember the good times? i dont know how much longer i can go before i break down, i can hear my mom screaming at night like the day he died, and i can see him laying there every time i close my eyes... im not doing good, i try to act like i am but before seeking help of a professional im reaching out to yall, i need advise, help guidance by someone thats been here. i was NOT prepared to lose my dad at 26. and i dont know how to deal with my children not being able to meet him, not having him as my best man at my wedding, not being there to tell me how him and my mom worked to keep their marriage through the tough times when im having probelms in mine, all my siblings have been there, are married and have children, so they dont know what im dealing with. the only thing helping is that he left me with a great business i can take when i come back and run and prosper like he did and get me off the road.

remember me and my family in your prayers, we need it, me especially, 26 years with that man just simply was not enough.

http://obits.dignitymemorial.com/dignity-memorial/obituary.aspx?n=Donald-Bryant&lc=4896&pid=170914791&mid=5954754

[popo8]

Oh man. IM SOOOOOOO SORRY. Reading every word you typed, you express yourself well, and truly transmit your feelings. Im a big believer in seeking professional help. Not meds, but a prof to speak to. There are occurrences that happen in our lives that we are just not capabe of dealing with without the help of others. Im sure as the day goes on, you will see this community is here for you, but do NOT shy away from seeking the help of a professional listener. If you need anything, please just let me know.

LTXtech.com is my Drug...

[Sahara54]

Wow. I am truly sorry for your loss. I wish there was some cure all saying I could say that would help but there really isn't. Death does not make any form of sense of who he chooses and why, I truly believe we all have a predetermined number and if it's your time, its your time. Now I doubt this would comfort you; but to me the time between the fall and his passing was very short and that's means the suffering was also very short, if at all. I can speak from experience when I say the images/"demons" you see at night are not the person they represent; and the man you saw in the hospital bed was not your father, that was just a shell from what you describe as a full life. Your father is still with you just as you remember, don't let the last hour or so surpass the 26 years of great memories. You definitely need some professional help to work through this difficult time, face to face interaction will always be better but we will always be here to listen.

[bRock]

So sorry to hear that bro. Definitely seek some professional help to talk to; it's good to have someone to talk with about these things and they can offer a different perspective that hopefully will help. I've had a few close family members pass recently and its tough. I've got a different mindset now, though, because of my line of work (firefighter) . I work in metro ATL and have seen some pretty eff'd up stuff. One thing that I've realized is death is a part of life, and everybody's got to go somehow, and sometimes bad things happen to good people. Its all about "rolling with the punches". I believe that dying is always painful, but so is birth. Its a part of life. The good thing is pain is ALWAYS temporary. Rely on your memories and those of your family to keep his memory alive for you and yours. Time heals. Prayers sir!

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[MEAN LT1]

I have to admit, I have a some tears coming down right now. My dad is my hero as well and I dont know what I would do in your situation. My prayers go out to you and your familly.

[firebird_1995]

I'm so sorry man. The closest I have come to death was watching my father go through chemo and radiation. I remember watching him through the night taking breaths and so much time would pass between them, I always wondered if i had seen him breathe his last.
Like what was said before, death has no rhyme or reason. And sahara54 was right on when he said what you seen was not your father. If you are a person of faith, lean on that for understanding and healing as well as seeking professional help. I will be praying for you and your family.

[SS RRR]

Very sorry. I lost my father to the neglect of a doctor. My father became ill with dementia, doctor misdiagnosed him with late stages of Alzheimer's and prescribed a medication that accelerated the symptoms times a billion. Within six weeks I went from talking to the man to watching him deteriorate mentally and physically and dying on a hospital bed. He too was my best friend. All I can recommend is time. Not thinking happy thoughts or trying to distract yourself will really bring any long term comfort. The thoughts will always be there, but only time will help you deal. It's been over four years for me and I still think about him every day.
Every lawyer I talked to regarding suing the living fuck out of this cock sucker told me it wouldn't be worth it. Because my father was with Kaiser, the cap for malpractice is 250,000 and I could easily spend that in lawyers fees, court costs and paying to bring in witnesses.

[97firehawk]

I am so very sorry for you're loss .

I do not believe that any of us deal with and or react to these types of situations in the same way . It's been several years now but I lost my uncle , he was like my father he raised me , took care of me , he was always their for me and he taught me so many things that I would have never known without him. One day I got a call from my aunt telling me that they just found out that he had stage 4 lung cancer and that he had a short time to live , of course I was in disbelief and shock because he had no symptoms long story short he lasted less than two months after that , I watched him suffer a great deal in that small amount of time but he was still more than willing to help anyone in need during that time he gave me his 69 chevelle knowing that I was the only one who could bring it back to it's glory , I think that having his car it has helped me be somewhat OK because when I have Time to work on it like he's right there with me . I must say I cried a lot by myself for a little while which is not like me and I still talk to a professional that helps . I really wish I could give you some words to help you but Time helps as always just take it one day at a time .

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[jaysz2893]

so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers. My wife lost her hom a few years ago and it was very hard for us. Her mom fought a good fight with the cancer, but the end was gut wrenching. Her family unfortunately didn't know how to deal with it and it pulled them apart. My advice I gave her was remember the good times and take it easy for a while. She sought out the help of professionals and after her fight with her employer she def needed the help. It was a lot to deal with, loss of mom, loss of job, blackballing by schools, family strife. The mental health professionals are there for a reason. I am bipolar, and without good doctors I would be a lot worse off. Don't feel like it is something bad, Ill give you the advice I gave popo8 - we all cant be Superman and everyone needs someone to lean on sometimes... lean on loved ones, lean on professionals, and by all means lean on this community here. They will all support you.

[gojo83]

This may sound hollow coming from me as I have been blessed enough to still have both parents but what hit me the worst and the words that got me through my Grandpa dying was that He saw the road I was on and knew I would do my best. He died 3 days before I graduated basic training and I had the option of going home for the funeral and restarting 2 weeks behind and having to wait for the next slot for AIT or stick it out and keep on pressing on to make the best of what was handed me. I will not lie I broke down and for the first 24 hrs I was inconsolable. Here is the silver lining that you somewhat eluded too, he broke his back so he knew you could one day take over what he had built over the years. He may not be here in person but he is with you in spirit and when ever you feel that little nudge saying do this instead of that it is him reaching beyond the grave helping you along your path in life. If anything use his passing as a springboard to bigger and better things. You and yours will be in my prayers and in closing depending on your religious beliefs these bodies are just a canister for the spirit and to me I believe you cant kill the spirit and the spirit of your loved ones are always there when you need them