OVA1
04-25-2013, 10:02 PM
Heading uptown the other day, mindin' my own bitneh, when I turned onto a fairly new 6 lane... I was in a mild hurry, trying to get to this joint before it closed, but it was far from an emergency, so I'm just tuddelin' ' up the road. Im in the second tier at the light and when through the turn, three cars fanned out in front for what I call 'formation flyin'... all abreast and locked in.
So, given that there's some retail and medical centers along the way and the inside lane closes about a mile up the road I hang out in the middle lane, waiting on someone to speedup, slow down, turn or sumpin'.
Well there was no such luck, but the inside lane was still going to close, so once the last shopping center possibility played out I leaned over to the inside lane and waited for the Nissan with the fence post stickin' out of the his rear window to make his pending decision.
Sure enough, he finally found his accelerator peddle and eased it on up in front of the Honda whatever and I set myself in close proximity for a quick pass, the need for "quick" growing exponentially as he slowed when he looked up and saw that I was going to be going around... (First sign of potential douchery, second if ya count the post...).
So he hung out in the lane until he had reached the yellow lines de-authorizing the otherwise AMPLE lane-age... and when he was mostly out of the way, i chunked her down into 3rd and lit the afterburner... leaned over toward the curb -for safety- and suddenly was taking MAJOR-DOUCHE-HORN... (Unmistakable sign of douchery), I uttered the obligatory 'God bless you sir" but did not offer any external blessing, which was clearly called for and went on to enjoy the next 20 seconds of open road, subsequently slowing for the red that was waiting as I came around the corner.
Anywho... I'm still on the inside lane, cut the fans on and proceeded to the customary scan for the Federales... (not up to anything, just habit) and I notice my horn-blower, who was about 5 cars back in my lane and had exited his vehicle -and- was in the process of blowing up his chest now, all the while eye-ballin' the hell out of my baby and me...
"Ruh Roe... its definitely a douche-bag, best get ready... " and I reached down and loosed the sheath on my self defense apparatus... just in case he was a covert SUPER-DOUCHE.
Well... Imagine my surprise when he holds off about 6-8 feet and inquires as to "why in the _uck I cut him off?"
I laughed and... "Dude, what the -uck are you talking about? I 'passed' you...".
"You cut me off!"
"How does one cut one off and not leave their lane, cuz?"
He turns to walk off and yells back over his shoulder: "You're a -ucking asshole"
"Oh! That's the Sweet Irony of the DAY! brother!"
He then turns around comes back to his former position and sez: "If I weren't such a nice guy, I'd pull you out of there and kick your ass..."
"Well, your sure to lose your slot in the "Nice-Guy Club" if ya do and, neither of us want that, so why don't ya get back in your car and go tell it to someone that gives a damn?
He took a couple of ticks and thought about it... his fists all balled up, his face getting kinda pink... and my self defense apparatus now being slowly pulled from its cloister next to my seat... and he wisely turns to take it on back to his pile.
So, I'm trying to figure out how best to decelerate this thing and decided to close on a high note and shouted a closing "I LOVE YOU MAN! Take this with ya!" Then I HIT THE BRAKES, TOOK IT TO 5000 and laid down a fog bank in which you could have hidden a battle ship... into which he walked, in a kinda "If you build it they will come", cornfield sorta scene...
LOL! Good times...
I tell ya kids... the world is going absolutely freakin' NUTS! Dey be CRAXY OUT Der, man!
So, given that there's some retail and medical centers along the way and the inside lane closes about a mile up the road I hang out in the middle lane, waiting on someone to speedup, slow down, turn or sumpin'.
Well there was no such luck, but the inside lane was still going to close, so once the last shopping center possibility played out I leaned over to the inside lane and waited for the Nissan with the fence post stickin' out of the his rear window to make his pending decision.
Sure enough, he finally found his accelerator peddle and eased it on up in front of the Honda whatever and I set myself in close proximity for a quick pass, the need for "quick" growing exponentially as he slowed when he looked up and saw that I was going to be going around... (First sign of potential douchery, second if ya count the post...).
So he hung out in the lane until he had reached the yellow lines de-authorizing the otherwise AMPLE lane-age... and when he was mostly out of the way, i chunked her down into 3rd and lit the afterburner... leaned over toward the curb -for safety- and suddenly was taking MAJOR-DOUCHE-HORN... (Unmistakable sign of douchery), I uttered the obligatory 'God bless you sir" but did not offer any external blessing, which was clearly called for and went on to enjoy the next 20 seconds of open road, subsequently slowing for the red that was waiting as I came around the corner.
Anywho... I'm still on the inside lane, cut the fans on and proceeded to the customary scan for the Federales... (not up to anything, just habit) and I notice my horn-blower, who was about 5 cars back in my lane and had exited his vehicle -and- was in the process of blowing up his chest now, all the while eye-ballin' the hell out of my baby and me...
"Ruh Roe... its definitely a douche-bag, best get ready... " and I reached down and loosed the sheath on my self defense apparatus... just in case he was a covert SUPER-DOUCHE.
Well... Imagine my surprise when he holds off about 6-8 feet and inquires as to "why in the _uck I cut him off?"
I laughed and... "Dude, what the -uck are you talking about? I 'passed' you...".
"You cut me off!"
"How does one cut one off and not leave their lane, cuz?"
He turns to walk off and yells back over his shoulder: "You're a -ucking asshole"
"Oh! That's the Sweet Irony of the DAY! brother!"
He then turns around comes back to his former position and sez: "If I weren't such a nice guy, I'd pull you out of there and kick your ass..."
"Well, your sure to lose your slot in the "Nice-Guy Club" if ya do and, neither of us want that, so why don't ya get back in your car and go tell it to someone that gives a damn?
He took a couple of ticks and thought about it... his fists all balled up, his face getting kinda pink... and my self defense apparatus now being slowly pulled from its cloister next to my seat... and he wisely turns to take it on back to his pile.
So, I'm trying to figure out how best to decelerate this thing and decided to close on a high note and shouted a closing "I LOVE YOU MAN! Take this with ya!" Then I HIT THE BRAKES, TOOK IT TO 5000 and laid down a fog bank in which you could have hidden a battle ship... into which he walked, in a kinda "If you build it they will come", cornfield sorta scene...
LOL! Good times...
I tell ya kids... the world is going absolutely freakin' NUTS! Dey be CRAXY OUT Der, man!