Maybe I'm a bad friend.

[mmd8x28]

I'm starting to feel I may not be the best friend.

I was just told today, that one of my friends may have lung cancer. I was feeling like I could care less. Sure, this friend had backstabbed me a couple of times, but somehow I'm shocked I don't at least sympathize. I mean, someones life and what I think of someone shouldn't be put together like that.

Am I just a bad friend? Or am I likely going to really sympathize if something actually happens? I'm so confused.

I've only just realized how fragile life is. I've lost so many relatives, and know I have friends that lost other friends. I'm just, I don't know anymore. Confused? Delayed reaction? I don't know.

[Camaro_94]

So one of your friends has lung cancer and you dont care? :rolleyes:

You're obviously not their friend then. If you cant be there for this person when they have cancer, dont expect them to ever be there for you if you need it and they make it through this. With that kind of attitude, dont expect anyone to ever be there for you if you need something. I really dont know what to tell you.

Just remember the old saying "what goes around comes around". If you have that attitude towards others, I kinda feel sorry for you man.

Sorry if I sound a tad harsh, but it kinda struck a nerve when you call someone a "friend" and dont care that theyre severely ill and could die.

[mmd8x28]

They don't even know it's lung cancer yet. The word has been "may". The only reason I feel this way though is because he's backstabbed me a couple times, taking money, stealing girlfriends, that I just don't even know why I still call him a friend, but don't even seem to care.. Maybe if the news changes to "IS cancer" maybe I'll start caring, I don't know. But with all the "might", I don't even seem to care.

I'm usually a person who cares about little things, but I've been backstabbed so many times I think I lost caring all together (i mean, inside, I want to think he's just joking around, but who the hell jokes about that?). :rolleyes:

I have told them I'm sorry to hear it, and "anything i can do....".. I mean, I'm not being a jerk about it.. But I just don't "feel" anything.

[Chris]

You said they have back stabbed you. They are not your friend

[mmd8x28]

I understand that, but inside, I hate loosing friends, even if I dislike them sometimes.

I think I'm caught between two feelings.

[warnerTA]

think of it this way, would they care about you if you got lung cancer?

[mmd8x28]

You know, in all honesty, I don't think he would. I've needed help and been in trouble and he never really cared to help, or even respond to text messages.

[warnerTA]

then thats your answer...................... he obviously doesnt give a crap about you... so why give a crap about him?

[mmd8x28]

I guess your right.

I have a tumor on my back, something i never talk about cause of it's, ahem, placement.. Maybe it's also a contributing factor, like "join the party".

[TRIPOD]

Judging by your posts your a younger fella. As you get older you'll say fuck fitting in, trying too hard to make friends, and askin yourself "is he my friend?". If that guy was your "real friend" you'd be doing anything you could to help him. Whether it be driving him to the doctor or driving him to the strip club to get his mind off of things. Its your friend!! I would wade through hell for my buddies and never think twice. You'll find out later down the road who your "real friends are." Judging by your post he's not your real friend. However, if he does have lung cancer, even if he's not your friend, you should offer to help him out. I know you said he's screwed you over in the past. But, atleast offer, dont burn any bridges if ya know what I mean. It's about being a good person and not being selfish because of the past. Anywho, good luck and I hope your friend (or whatever he is) doesn't have cancer.

[mmd8x28]

I did say I hadn't been a jerk to him personally.. It's just the thoughts that go through my mind that are "not feeling" anything yet.

[Neil350]

Things aren't simple, you got to figure it out for your self, no one can tell you what to feel. It's obvious though you don't forgive him past transgressions so that makes you lack sympathy in the present. Your remembering the past more so then the present, if you were let it go, you may feel some genuine concern, your not a bad person.

[popo8]

Judging by your posts your a younger fella. As you get older you'll say fuck fitting in, trying too hard to make friends, and askin yourself "is he my friend?". If that guy was your "real friend" you'd be doing anything you could to help him. Whether it be driving him to the doctor or driving him to the strip club to get his mind off of things. Its your friend!! I would wade through hell for my buddies and never think twice. You'll find out later down the road who your "real friends are." Judging by your post he's not your real friend. However, if he does have lung cancer, even if he's not your friend, you should offer to help him out. I know you said he's screwed you over in the past. But, atleast offer, dont burn any bridges if ya know what I mean. It's about being a good person and not being selfish because of the past. Anywho, good luck and I hope your friend (or whatever he is) doesn't have cancer.


Ahhhh, us old folks think alike!

[TRIPOD]

Ahhhh, us old folks think alike!


:laugh: my favorite smiley!

[GreenZ96]

you can kill them faster with kindness

[BLK95TA]

have you ever thought about the possiblity of having asperger's syndrome? it's a mild form of autism that causes you to have problems with people socially as well as having trouble having empathy for others. Someone suggested i might have it and i took a few online tests and they all point to it. i haven't gotten an offical diagnosis yet but that is the next step. i remember you saying you have trouble getting and keeping jobs and i am the same way. i've had 9 in the last 6.5 years and i've been unemployed since june of 08.

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

[mmd8x28]

I do have AS ;) I already knew this since I was a little kid.

[BLK95TA]

I was just made aware of AS a few weeks ago by someone on another forum who has met me in person. I took that quiz (185 questions) and my AS score was 140 (i took it twice and i think that was the lower of the 2 scores, the other was 150+) and my NT score was 50. There's a pretty good chance i have it and it would explain why school was hell for me (i had people go so far as to try to run me off the road a couple times) I was looking for answers as to why i can't keep a job to save my life. I don't think much was known about AS when i was a kid (i'm 30)

[AChotrod]

If my "friend" stole my money and women, Id send him a carton of smokes and a fair well card. :shiner:

[mmd8x28]

Well see, here's the money thing. He didn't take the money from my wallet. When we went on a trip to St. Augustine to just have fun (sight see, night scene, etc), I ended up paying for everything. He kept saying "I'll pay you back.". I ended up even paying for the hotel rooms. :laugh: jack ass I must be then.

We get back, and he makes it sound like to all his friends (and the girl he took), that he spent some money. Whenever I brought up "dude, you OWE me for me paying for you" he "shhhh" me.. Didn't want anyone knowing I paid for him 100%..

[GreenZ96]

I was gonna take the test just for giggles, til I seen it had 185 questions

[BLK95TA]

I was gonna take the test just for giggles, til I seen it had 185 questions

there's a shorter one (50 questions) that i took originally which probably isn't as accurate but it too said i most likely have it

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

[97ForMuLa]

scored 19

[mmd8x28]

I got 26.. I was however diagnosed with AS, ADHD, LD (Learning Disability), i think that's it.

[Z28pr0jekt]

yay
Your Aspie score: 132 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 80 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
Your MBTI type: ISTP

[jaysz2893]

dont beat yourself up. You did show some sympathy, but seeing the past and present you may not feel anything other than just "courtsey". I will be honest, i love my wife and that means i have to love her family. Her mom just passed last November after a long battle with cancer. My mother-in-law and i did not see eye to eye all the time and we had our differences. I still loved her though. When she died i didnt feel anything but empathy for my wife and her family. My Mother in law fought a good battle, BUT never stopped smoking up to the last day. 40 years of 2 packs a day eventually catch up. I feel weird about not feeling anything more for her, but she made her decsisions and had to live/die by them. I feel sympathy or even apathy for people that get sick if they are not doing anything to not get sick. It is hard for me to feel empathy for someone that dies from thier own actions.

from a blog on emotions:

i realized that throughout most of highschool, i never really sypathized. i was always either empathetic or apathetic to people. with people i cared about, i always tried to relate to them, understand what they were feeling. it didn't seem to be enough to just recognize that what they were going through sucked. i had to experience it with them so that they weren't so alone in their plights. with people i didn't care about as much, i either didn't know their problems, or i didn't really care because their issues seemed trivial next to what the people i cared about were always going through.

but empathy gets draining, and apathy gets numbing, so we almost need to practice sympathy to keep a healthy distance between caring about others and preserving your own piece of mind.

someone once told me that the man who is completely selfish has no friends, but neither does the man who is completely selfless, and that might be the best advice i've ever been given. empathy can be rare, but it's potent, so if you can, by all means, empathize with people going through shit. but if not, it never hurts to show you care, or sympathize, if that's the correct definition.

"though thought and feeling lie so far apart,
though possibility does make me wince,
i often as if i do have a heart,
this beating in my chest does not convince."

[BLK95TA]

FWIW i scored 40 (over 32 means you are probably an aspie) on the small test and 140/50 on the large one the second time i took it. i think i scored 150/40 the first time.

If i do actually have asperger's it would explain a LOT. like how i can't really hold down a job to save my life, i don't really "get" people or pick up on their body language, i was very heavily bullied in school, etc.

[SexyTransAm]

I think I'm caught between two feelings.
feelings r for pussy bitches lol

[mmd8x28]

Not for men that are secure about themselves. ;)

If I was insecure, I wouldn't have the car I have right now. haha!

[TRIPOD]

Not for men that are secure about themselves. ;)

If I was insecure, I wouldn't have the car I have right now. haha!

Hahahahaha, great come back. lmfao

OOh, and I would call that guy out every time I saw him about the money. If he shhhh'd ya, I'd get louder.

I scored an 11 on the 50 question test.